shaherazade-21c answered: South, CT, and Carolina are all sisters (Making North their brother, obviously) with Tex and Church being mommy and daddy. It’s a meet the parents boyfriend dinner for York and Wash. Go!

Carolina sat down at the neatly-set table, turned to her father, and told him sternly, “You can’t be weird tonight.”

“When have I ever been weird?” Leonard Church asked, looking genuinely puzzled. Carolina exchanged a glance with Connie while South let out a long sigh in the background. North was helping their mother with dinner – specifically, helping her not to burn dinner. She was an impatient and reckless cook.

            “Um, like, all the time?” South suggested, rolling her eyes.

            Carolina nodded, arms crossed, and Connie pretended to read some book on alien conspiracies or whatever.

            Church scowled. “I will do my best to not be weird,” he said as the girls all looked doubtfully amongst themselves.

            “And Mom, don’t be mean,” Carolina added, turning around in her seat as Tex came bearing a tray of lasagna, slightly crunchy toward the edges but otherwise intact. North followed cheerfully with a bowl of salad.

            “But I’m not mean,” Tex said. South snorted and Connie suddenly began to cough strangely.

            “Right. So continue not being mean,” Carolina ordered, and turned her attention to the front window, watching anxiously for any signs of their visitors.

            “Yes, dear,” Tex said with a roll of her eyes oddly reminiscent of South’s. She sat down to the table, North taking care to seat himself between her and South, and poured herself a glass of wine. She ignored the judgmental looks that this gained her from her two eldest daughters.

            “You’re supposed to wait till the guests get here,” Connie said, nervousness edging into her voice.

            “Look, we’re not going to embarrass you in front of your boyfriends, okay?” Tex said with a sigh of exasperation.

            “We’re just going to question them,” added Church.

            “And evaluate their strengths and weaknesses,” Tex finished.

            Carolina brought her hand briefly to her face and Connie looked just a bit stricken. But before any of them could explain how terrible an approach this was, the doorbell rang.

            “I’ll get it,” said Carolina and Connie in unison. They eyed each other, then made a break for it. Carolina, as usual, made it to the door first.

            “Hey man,” said York immediately as the front door opened. He was grinning brightly, dressed in a t-shirt and jeans. Wash was standing next to him in a full on suit and tie. Carolina blinked at the two of them, then yanked York in by the arm, mumbling, “Be normal, okay?” while he muttered, “When am I ever not normal?” in return.

            Connie stood there looking at Wash for a long moment, taking in the silver-and-yellow striped tie and the way he had attempted to slick his hair back in a way that was sort of horrible and sort of adorable.

            “Hi,” he said, offering a weak smile.

            “Don’t worry,” Connie told him, holding out a hand, “I won’t let them be mean to you.”

            Wash laughed a little, but as he took her hand she could almost feel his relief.

             *

“So, boys,” said Tex a little too sweetly as they finished the remains of dinner, “what do you do for a living?”

            “We’re in high school, Mom,” said Carolina.

            “Then what do you plan to do for a living?” Church said, staring hard at the two boys. Carolina shook her head and gave a long-suffering sigh.

            Wash said, “Um, well,” while York offered the table at large a winning grin and answered, “Security, probably.”

            “Security?” Tex repeated, raising an eyebrow.

            York nodded. “I’m good at getting into –”

            “Honors level technology classes,” Carolina finished quickly.

            York didn’t bat an eye. “Yeah, I’m great in tech class.”

            “Hm,” said Tex. “And you, Wash?”

            “Um, I, uh, wildlife rehabilitation?” Wash tried.

            Church and Tex stared at him, puzzled.

            “Like, with tigers?” he said in a small voice, looking on the verge of terror.

            “He’s interested in aiding in the effort to protect and rehabilitate wild tigers,” Connie explained smoothly.

            “Yes,” said Wash. “That.”

            “Interesting,” said Tex, looking as though she did not find this interesting at all.

            “Are you done torturing them yet?” Carolina complained.

            “I don’t feel tortured,” York said pleasantly. “I feel like we’re bonding here. Right, buddy?” He smiled at Wash.

            “Er,” said Wash. “The lasagna is very good.”

Connie took a bite. It tasted like rubber.

“All right, whatever, I’m bored,” Tex said, standing up. “You’re free to go.”

“We’re not your prisoners, Mom,” South said, and the ensuing argument provided plenty of cover to flee.

[and then i gave up on ending this]

~Puzzle Pieces~ (a truly majestic fanfic)

“GODDAMNIT, NORTH! I’M SO FUCKING SICK OF THOMAS KINKADE!” South screamed, running from the room.

Fridgelancer CrackFic: Part Two. The anthropomorphic, sad version.

The fridge on the Mother of Invention saw many things. It saw York raiding through its contents for midnight snacks, more frequently after the other freelancers started to become nonfunctional. It saw Wyoming, trying to store gourmet cheese in one of its drawers and raging when he found that York had eaten it all the night before. It saw Carolina, doing inventory and generally criticizing the fridge for not having enough healthy foods. It saw Wash with armfuls of apples and bananas that he attempted to fit in the produce drawers.

For a while it saw CT, who sometimes came to the kitchen just to sit and think because no one else would look for her there. Sometimes she would be upset and sit in the corner by the fridge with her arms around her knees and her shoulders trembling just a little, and the fridge would long to comfort her. But it could not, because it was a fridge. And soon it didn’t see her at all anymore.

It saw South, who punched a dent in it one day for reasons unknown. And North, who woke up sometimes in the middle of the night and just really, really wanted ice cream (or maybe Theta wanted it; he couldn’t tell anymore). Maine came by for these little fat free yogurts that he secretly ate, with flavors like luscious raspberry and red velvet delight.

And occasionally it glimpsed Tex, who wandered aimlessly through the ship every night because she did not need to sleep and could not find rest anyway.  

The fridge knew them all, or at least it knew the part of them that sought out its kitchen for whatever reason, and it grew fond of them. Even Wyoming with his raging, and Carolina with her criticism. It took good care of their yogurts and cheeses and apples and bananas. It wanted to speak to them, to tell them that it valued each of them dearly. But being a fridge, it was incapable of speech.

So it stood, cool and stable whenever they needed it, and gently hummed when they opened its doors.

003 | Give me a character & I will tell you

• How I feel about this character:  

Sad, mostly. She is so angry and so spiteful but some of her behavior is understandable given the circumstances. She’s very headstrong and can be extremely juvenile…but she does seem to really care about North in the beginning. I think she wants to prove herself above all else, though, whereas he is loyal to her above all else.

• All the people I ship romantically with this character: 

I don’t really ship South with anybody, but I do like Reeberry’s 479er/South ship thingy. Sometimes I halfheartedly ship South/Maine in that she’s got a puppylove kind of crush on him and he’s just puzzled/oblivious. They might be good together. We know very little about who Maine is, though.

• My non-romantic OTP for this character: 

South and North being bffs as kids.

• My unpopular opinion about this character: 

I forgive her. 

• One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

I’d have liked to see more about how Delta affected her.

• my het ship:

Uhhh, Maine/South I guess. Smaine? Mouth. MOUTH. YES GOOD. I’m gonna ship that now just for that.

• my fem/slash ship:

South/479er. I know South/CT is fairly popular and I can see it, but I’m too attached to Wash/CT.

• my OTP:

MOUTH BECAUSE IT’S HILARIOUS. OR AT LEAST MODERATELY AMUSING. 

• my OT3:

Uhhh…MOUTH79ER?

• my cross over ship:

South and a young Salazar Slytherin. Mostly for the alliteration. But also because it’d be interesting. What if she were a Muggle, or at least a Muggleborn? She would not take Salazar’s Muggle-hating bullshit. And if he didn’t, like, murder her…it could be interesting. There’d be some angry makeouts and whatnot. You know.

• my kink:

Nothing…? 

• a headcanon fact:

South is actually older than North by a couple of minutes. North, however, is one of those big heroic types who likes to take responsibility for everything and everyone around him, and after living with that for so many years South finds this a little insufferable. She wants him to just be a PERSON, not a damn superhero.

• my gender bend:

Still tall with short, choppy hair…He’d be all into punk rock and stuff whereas North would come across as the goody-two-shoes by comparison. So pretty much exactly the same. He wouldn’t ever hang out with the guys because he would (wrongly) think that they like North better anyway and so they wouldn’t want to talk to him at all and they were just a bunch of assholes and whatever he’d be in his room with his headphones on.

laughingalonewithrvb:

mumblybee:

darknesschill said: I’M RUNNING OUT OF THINGS TO SAY

JUST SAY YORK

i think you mean

JUST SAY “NO”

“-rth”

TO DRUGS

NOPE PRETTY SURE I SAID YORK

I ALWAYS SAY YORK

However North would totally run the, like, Dads Against Drugs program at his kid’s school or something

I love how York apparently fails at words on occasion. And North is his helpful editor.

Episode 7:

York: They call this one father…no, that’s not right…

North: Creator.

York: Yeah.

Episode 11:

York: I wonder if they’re all like this, the AIs, you know. Jittery…nervous. No, not nervous…

North: Anxious.

York: Yeah, anxious.

What’s Lost - RvB fic

This is set in that afterlife I keep writing about. During Season 8, when Wash is super injured, I thought maybe he’d be on the verge of death for a bit and be able to cross the lines somewhat. Wrote this while mentally exhausted so excuse any errors.

—-

            Wash appears sort of hazily, fading in and out sometimes – he’s gasping and bloody and there’s ice breaking up through the sand all around him, cradling his trembling body. CT gets there first; she’s always watching, keeping track of newcomers. She gets there first and she kneels down and brushes the hair from his forehead while he shudders and fades back and forth. She murmurs something York can’t hear and Wash reaches for her hand but she draws back, shifts away. She doesn’t want him to stay here. Doesn’t want him to want it. Not yet.

            York edges closer to take a look at him. “Hey, man,” he says. “You’re breaking death protocol here.”

            North leans down to clap him on the shoulder. “Yeah, how ‘bout you head on home?” he says kindly.

            Home. Head home. He’s got to, because he can’t stay here, because he’s one of the only ones left.

            One of.

            Wash won’t remember it later, not really – but York kneels down and ruffles his hair anyway. Gently, careful to keep clear of the blood trails.

             “C’mon, kid,” he murmurs. “You gotta go back and find her for me, okay?”

            Wash looks up, blinks, breathes open-mouthed and struggling. Blood trickles from his lips. But he’s alive. Dead people don’t feel that kind of pain.

            “You go and find her,” York repeats, stepping back as Wash starts to fade for real this time. Wash locks eyes with him for a second and maybe he nods, maybe it’s just a glitch in the going-back-to-the-land-of-the-living kind of thing.

            And he won’t remember it later, no…but maybe he’ll feel it. Like an instinct. Find what’s lost. It’s his job, isn’t it? It’s what he’s always done. Find what’s lost.

laughingalonewithrvb:

ok wait

what would you do if:

1. york hugged you
2. wash hugged you
3. the director hugged you
4. north hugged you

1. See last post.

2. I would be concerned about him because if he’s hugging me either he’s Season9-10 derpy-as-hell!Wash and he needs comforting — or something’s just seriously wrong. I’d pat him on the back and ask if he wanted to go the cat shelter. I kinda would just assume he’d be hugging me out of great sorrow and neediness.

3. I have a pity-hate perspective on the Director…he is a sad, pathetic man whose issues all stem from an inability to face his own emotional shit. …Anyway I’d shove him away and tell him to go to his corner. 

4. Totally gonna just hug North back because he’s so uncomplicated and kind and there would be no ulterior motive. He’s like everybody’s big brother. Except Emma’s. He’s…he’s just…he’s Emma’s.